Following a most excellent weekend of concert-going with Asher to see Tenacious D at the House of Blues and it being Sophie's first sleepover with her Grandma, I was sitting on the couch last night after having watched SNL on DVR (Justin Timberlake's hilarious 5th time hosting) so I was pretty relaxed, watching Girls (amazing episode btw) when all of a sudden fear struck me like a ton of bricks. My left arm felt numb, the left side of my face felt weird & I swear I thought I was having a stroke - just thinking about it makes my pulse rise. Along came a spider, erm...panic attack. I immediately hit the ground and assumed a dilligent child's pose. My pulse had to have been 150 and I was sweating and had tunnel vision and my ears felt full of cotton. Managed to do this until the faint feeling subsided enough for me to want to talk. Called Asher up from the den to "hold me until this is over." Ugh. A good half-hour passed before I felt remotely clear-headed and then came utter exhaustion. I had no anti-anxiety meds on-hand which makes it an even more hopeless-feeling situation.
If one has never suffered from an anxiety/panic attack - it's impossible to really understand. In that 30 minute period of time I thought I was going to die. I was thinking of Sophie and Asher & how bad it would be if that was my final moments. I've cried several times this morning rethinking the terror I felt, I feel sorry for myself having to go through that. It had been about 6 years since I'd had an attack - it was silly of me to think I was free of them. Now comes the anxiety of "when am I going to have another one?"
